So drunk its hurt
Someone shit on the floor
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
