you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
