So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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