You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
