You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
