I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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