so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
