I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't turn off my feet"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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