i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
