i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
