My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
