I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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