The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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