So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
