So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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