We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
