the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
