Your dad touched me again.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
