Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
