last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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