I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
