I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
