# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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