Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
