I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
