Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
