I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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