I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
