I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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