woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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