On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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