you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
this hospital has no fireball
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
