i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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