I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
