when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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