she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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