We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
