so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
