VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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