So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
