nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
