Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
