i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the condom got lost in my hair
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
