Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
