I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You were trust falling into bushes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize