I puked a lego.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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