you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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