this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
