Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
