So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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