Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
