Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
