My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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