On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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