Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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