Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
