Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
