i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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