I am in a vortex of obligation.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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