people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
