I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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