I'm jealous of your bromance
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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