I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
