You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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