Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
