OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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